Getting started

Now that you’ve made your decision, how do you get started?

Where do you find an agency? Where do you get an application? How long will it take? Will I lose out on a child if things don’t go quickly? How many children are available for adoption?

Before you start the “formal process”, you need to begin the emotional process. This is the time for heavy duty, soul searching.

Why do I want to adopt a child?
Can I provide a stable home for a child?
Am I ready to open my heart to another's needs?
Is this child just a substitute for a lost child or a person in his/her own right?
Am I willing to go through all the paperwork and various other requirements to have a child?
Can I love this child as my own?
Will your family and friends willingly accept this child?
Is it important that your child looks like you, or has the same interests in you?
How will I deal with my child's questions about birth parents?
Can I accept that my child will love another mother, besides me?
When will I tell my child about adoption?
Can I financially afford to take another person into my family?
What “type” of child are you looking for?
Do you have preferences on age, race, gender, disabilities?
What behaviors are you willing to live with, and what behaviors are absolute “deal breakers” for you?
Are you willing to keep contact with the birth family, if that is required?
Will your family and friends willingly accept a child of another race?

Later in this guide you'll find a list of some the behaviors and disabilities that children in foster care may have. Deciding how much you’re willing to work with, and deal with, is vital to your success in adopting. If you are adopting as a couple, fill the pages out, and answer the questions listed above separately, and see where you agree and disagree. Agreeing on key points will be crucial later when you are reading a child’s profile. Parenting a special needs child can be hard on the best relationships. If you are not in agreement on what issues you can handle, or how you will handle them, you will be headed down a very rocky road.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them not to do it. -Harry S Truman

Children who are being adopted from foster care are usually considered special needs children. For purposes of adoption, special needs children are often considered to be:

Older children, generally over the age of two, but the age varies from state to state
Racial or ethnic factors (any child of color)
Member of a sibling group of two or more children
Children with a physical or mental disability
Children with an emotional disturbance, or
A recognized high risk of physical or mental disease, or
Any combination of the above factors or conditions

It is natural to think that love and stability will help or “cure” a child, but the sad fact is, that most of these children have been emotionally damaged in some way.

Credits: Kelly L. Killian