Introduction

Congratulations on your decision to adopt.

You have many questions and thoughts running through your mind. This can be an overwhelming time.

The frustrating part is that you will do a lot of waiting. It is a slow process. You are far more excited than everyone else. You are ready for your new child to join your family, and others are stuck on paperwork.

Through my work, I have had the opportunity to talk with hundreds of families who have expanded their families through different types of adoptions. Whether it was through domestic infant adoption, foster care adoption, international adoption, relative adoption, or guardianship, the joys and struggles are the same. The love of their child does not change because of where their child comes from.

I am an adoptive mother. My husband and I currently have one son, adopted from foster care in 1999. We had a placement of a brother and sister who, unfortunately, had to leave our home. They were, in foster care terms, a long placement for us, almost a year and a half. We do plan to adopt at least one more child through the foster care system. When we first started, we had no idea what the process involved. We went to an informational meeting to learn a little bit about the system, but it didn’t cover everything we needed to know. We stumbled our way through it, and eventually got our son. We should have done more research, but we didn’t know what we needed. I believe it’s Maya Angelou that said “I did what I knew, and when I knew better, I did better.” When you read this, you know that someone else has “been there, done that”, and understands your joys, frustrations, and anger through the process.

It is incredibly rewarding and incredibly challenging all at the same time. When your child accepts you as Mommy or Daddy for the first time will be one of the most amazing days. It may not be right away, but the day that it happens will be a day that you remember.

I am a full-time volunteer in post-adoption services. I work with foster and adoptive parents every day. When I approached writing this book, I polled these parents, to ask them what information they wish they had known before they adopted. I hope that I have included everything they suggested, and that their wisdom and knowledge, will now help you.

I hope you find the answers you need within these pages. Most importantly, if there is something you have questions on, don’t be afraid to ask! You are not alone. There are people who will help answer your questions, and be a support system and sounding board as you go through the process.

While at times, this book may sound anti-adoption, it is anything but. What this is really about is honesty in adoption. Showing you some pictures of happy families, and giving you “warm, fuzzy” stories about adoption, could ultimately do you, and your future family, a great disservice. When dealing with traumatized children, knowing what could lie ahead will be your greatest asset. Be prepared for the worst, and hopefully, you will never have to use your knowledge, but as the Boy Scouts say, “Be Prepared.”

NOTES:

This content is intended to be informational only. It is not intended to replace legal or medical advice.
Links listed in this book are current as of the published date. Adoption Media is not responsible for changes in links after publishing of book.
Wherever possible, the author’s or publisher’s description of a book is used to present an accurate and unbiased description of the book.

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Credits: Kelly L. Killian