Post adoption resources and services

What is going to be your biggest issue after placement? No one can tell you for sure, but most likely you will be dealing with some type of attachment issues. So many books have been written on this subject, so I’ll try to keep this brief.

Children who have been through numerous moves, families, homes, and have had more promises broken than they can possibly count, are not going to be very quick to trust you. You are just another adult in a long string, which have let this child down.

Re-read the list of attachment disorder symptoms on page 47. Parenting a child with these symptoms is not the same as parenting an emotionally healthy child. Children with attachment issues need to know that you will keep them safe and protect them, in order to be able to begin to trust and love you. Even children who had a perfect beginning can have attachment issues. Adoption in and of itself is a loss to a child. The person who carried them and whose voice they heard for 9 months, is no longer a part of their lives. Some people argue that pre-natal factors do not influence a child, but science has proven that is not true.

If you have not read the books listed in the waiting section, page 59, and you suspect that your child has attachment issues, now is the time to go back and read them. They will help you understand what your child is feeling, and how to handle it. You will make mistakes. Every parent makes mistakes, but if your heart and intentions are in the right place, you will get through it.

Support groups

The only people who will truly understand the changes in your life, are other foster and adoptive parents. You will need to explain some things to your family and friends, but do not expect them to truly “get it”. They may even tell you that you are being overly harsh or critical or tell you that you “just need to love him more.”

There are a number of support groups that can help you handle different issues you may encounter with raising a special needs child. Some support groups meet in person, and others that are done through the internet or e-mail. It provides you support whenever needed.

You can find lists of local support groups at North American Council on Adoptable Children and Adoptive Families Magazine.

You can also ask therapists, psychiatrists, school counselors, or attorneys for information on support groups. Some of the avenues that you pursued in the pre-adoptive phase, will still be helpful to you. Adoption.com and Radzebra.org, as well as the blogs on Adoption.com, will provide you so much useful information, as well as a place to vent, and a chance to talk to parents who are living with special needs children every day.

Therapy

The child you are adopting has had some kind of trauma in her life. Trauma and foster care go hand in hand. Traumatic events put children in foster care. The simple separation of parent and child is traumatic, even if she has had a perfect upbringing.

You need to find a therapist who is experienced at handling a child with a trauma history, and possibly abuse and neglect, or even sexual abuse. A child who comes from a “normal” family can go to a “normal” counselor or therapist. Your child can not. Sometimes memories are buried, and a child who can not trust a therapist will not reveal the “secrets” that they need help with.

Foster children are good at putting up emotional walls, and saying things that they think people want to hear, rather than what is in their heart. Having a therapist who understands this, and is able to truly help your child is so critical to her healing.

The $64,000 question is… How do I find that therapist? There are several resources.

Families by Design or call (970) 984-2222. You will find a listing of therapists on the website, sorted by state.

Attachment Disorder Network or call 785-624-6364. You will find articles about finding a good therapist, and can call for a referral to therapists in the database.

ATTACh. You will find a listing of registered clinicians. There are other clinicians who practice in this area that are not registered.

Talk with other adoptive parents. Find out who they recommend and why. Parents will be very quick to tell you what does and doesn’t work.

Credits: Kelly L. Killian