Transitioning a child into your home, Page 2

Subsequent visits

Your second visit will probably take place in the foster home again. You may stay at the home during the visit, or possibly take your child out for lunch. Slowly you will begin to transition visits to your home. You can expect your child to want to see the rooms that were in the pictures. This visit will probably bring out some anxiety in your child. Plan a calm activity, such as coloring, or a board game, to help ease him into this visit. Once your child is comfortable with visits in your home, you can then begin over nights. The first time should not be more than one night. Again, expect some anxiety. Gradually the number of nights will increase. If these go well, your worker will probably set a date for your child to move in.

The total time of the transition will depend on the child and the worker. Some children need to move more quickly than others.

In addition to getting to know your child, spend this time talking to the foster parents. Learn about your child’s routines, likes and dislikes, behavioral issues and how they handle them, anything to make your child’s transition easier for her.

The temptation of parents is to indulge their child with everything they want, and possibly didn’t have before. Expensive furniture, customized bedrooms, lots of toys, video games, and things.

Children who haven’t had much in the terms of stability and material things, have a hard time handling new things. It may give them a sense of entitlement, and expect you to keep on giving, or it may be scary to them, because they don’t know how to react. Should they be grateful, say thank you, play with it, not play with it, are there expectations attached, and are they required to do something in order to earn or deserve these things? What they really want is to know that you, and they, are going to stay.

Many children come with their belongings in trash bags. One of our children came to our home with every material possession contained in one trash bag. This included all clothes, toys, books, games, and shoes, anything you can possibly imagine.

Allowing your child to help decorate or decide on colors for their room is a good compromise. It helps the child to personalize their room, and make it feel like it’s theirs. Painting and decorating together is a good way to bond, and start to develop a relationship.

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

Honeymoon period

It is not unusual to have children have a honeymoon period before you begin to see their “true self”. Think of when you were dating. On a first date, you tried your hardest to make your best impression. As the relationship goes along, you begin to relax a little bit, and show more of your personality. Kids do the same thing. There is no “normal” time frame. It could be a week, a month, or 6 months, but having a honeymoon period is not at all unusual.

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Credits: Kelly L. Killian