Your child and school

School brings up so many issues with your child. How much do you disclose to teachers? Enrolling your child with their birth name. The dreaded family tree project. When do you send your child to school?

This will all depend upon the age of your child, and whether or not she’s already in school. If there is an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) in place, be sure to read it very thoroughly, and plan to have a meeting either prior to enrollment of your child, or very shortly after. A transitional IEP should be put in place.

Enrolling your child in school presents another dilemma, what name to use. For legal reasons, your child must be enrolled with her legal name at the time of enrollment. Most schools will allow a child to be called a name other than what they’re registered as. If your daughter’s biological name is Suzy Jones, but it will be changed to Suzy Smith once the adoption is finalized, they may have listed in the classroom as Suzy Smith. HOWEVER, talk to your child about her feelings on this. She may not be ready for this. Other children want to take their “new name” as soon as possible.

The big question, is how much you tell the school. This is another personal decision. If there is a school psychologist that your child would be working with, make an appointment to see her. Explain that you are adopting a child from foster care. If there are issues that you know will come up in school, talk to the psychologist about how to deal with those ahead of time. Inform the psychologist of any diagnosis that your child has, that will be relevant to school. If you do not feel comfortable disclosing the reasons for your child’s placement in foster care, you do not need to. There may be information already in the school file. You will want to get a copy of that file, and see what has been disclosed.

To find out what your rights are, when it comes to the schools, go to Wright's Law. This website will teach you how to advocate for your child, when necessary, what the laws are for children with disabilities (physical or emotional), and how to find resources. There are hundreds of articles that will help you to help your special needs child. You may also sign up for a free weekly e-newsletter.

There comes a time in every adopted child’s school career when they will face the dreaded family tree project, or be asked to bring in baby pictures for a project. This may present emotional difficulty in your family, whether the adoption has been finalized or not. There is a book that deals with the subject, and offers suggestions as well.

Lucy’s Family Tree by Karen Halvorsen Schreck

When Lucy comes home from school with a family tree assignment, she asks her parents to write her a note to excuse her from the task. Lucy's adoption from Mexico makes her feel as though her family is too "different," but her parents gently and wisely challenge Lucy to think some more about it and to find three families that are the "same."
As Lucy ponders her list of school and family friends who are "normal," she comes to realize that there are many different kinds of families. Her best friend Lucinda has a stay-at-home dad and a working mom. The brother and sister next door look alike and their family matches perfectly, but she discovers that they feel different in their neighborhood because they are Jewish. Her friend Robert has two "moms" who both cheer him on at soccer games, and the parent who attends all of Dora's and Seth's school events is their stepfather. Although her friends the Malones certainly look like an "all-American family," Lucy knows they've suffered a loss that doesn't always show on the outside.
Lucy wins her bet with her parents in a surprising way and ends up creating a family tree that celebrates both her past and present. This is a wonderful book for exploring family diversity and what constitutes a family. Two pages at the back of the book offer further suggestions for parents and teachers, with new approaches for the traditional family tree project.

Home schooling

You have the legal right to choose to home school your child if you want. There are certain laws that you must adhere to in order for this to be legally recognized, and to keep yourself from falling under truancy laws. To find information on the laws for your state, go to http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp.Some states are less restrictive in their regulations than others.

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Credits: Kelly L. Killian